Dating after a controlling relationship
Dating after a controlling relationship - dating shorter guy
Deferring your future (that means quitting school or blowing off a good job so you can spend more time together) is a sign you are becoming unhealthily dependent on this person (usually a result of being systematically isolated from family and friends from before you got involved). In fact, in can be necessary and good; however, it does make one “temporarily insane” for the first part of a relationship.
* Have all of your past attachments to people and places been replaced by either old friends of your new love, or new friends you’ve made since you’ve been together? When talking with mutual friends, have they ever said something about your new girlfriend that made you stop and say, “Huh? You can’t have understood that right.” Did you then dismiss the idea that what your friends heard could have actually been true? When you’re being controlled or manipulated, it’s usually through half-truths or omissions, not outright lies.Are you obsessing about activities that require you to be alone (any time you can’t be with your love)?Have all the goals and activities that previously defined you suddenly been pushed to the back burner for no reason other than that your love is not into them?Severing your ties to the familiar stability of the world you have always known means he has just made himself the center of your universe, and now has no competition for your attention. There’s just enough weirdness to make you stop and think, but not quite enough to get you to re-evaluate the entire relationship. Cutting you off from your support systems helps him gain dominance over you – and you think it’s your decision.If this happens more than once, STOP and remind yourself that this isn’t the first time you’ve had this reaction. Controlling people treat your friends with disrespect, but when alone with you, they never say a bad word about those friends, but rather is kind, loving, and complimentary to you about them – it makes you believe your family or friends are simply jealous, don’t understand him, etc.While the steps are directed towards romantic relationships, they do apply to any kind of relationship. Evaluate honestly: Is this relationship healthy, or is it unhealthy?
Be objective as you analyze how things have changed since this relationship began: * Are you enjoying elevated esteem from your friends & family, or are they looking at you sideways?
Remember that people in healthy relationships have nothing to hide or defend.
In fact, when a relationship is healthy, your friends and family are normally going to recognize that this person makes you very happy, brings out the best in you, and they will rejoice with the two of you. Notice if your plans are continually overturned in favor of hers.
Does she randomly show up at work or drive by to check on you (particularly after a disagreement)?
Does she question you too intensely about why you were talking to another person? Disbelieve you when you say that person is just a friend or work colleague? Watch for repeat offenses, shallow apologies and “courting” afterwards.
As your relationship with a new person in your life has developed, you find your old friends falling away, while family members remark on how you don’t seem like yourself.