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Your new relationship is off to a positive start, and your hopes are getting higher this one may last a long time. But these days, it’s hard to know if you can really trust someone. It’s true that a person’s trustworthiness can only be measured over time, since words and actions are revealed (and assessed) month after month. The longer you know someone, the harder it is for that person to keep from showing his or her true colors. Believe that “actions speak louder than words.” People who are trustworthy don’t spend a lot of time telling you how trustworthy they are.
Accurate statistics are hard to come by (because lots of people don’t want to admit to cheating), but researchers agree that 30 to 50 percent of men and 20 to 40 percent of women are unfaithful.About a month later, Q finally talked with Jack about it and they both discovered they felt the same way.Then with little fanfare (just a cute picture on Facebook and a few coy statuses), they began dating.My partner Q went on some dates the first year we were together, but xe didn’t date anyone regularly until now — and their new partner is my best friend (and platonic life partner, and housemate, and editor), Jack. During our first week of college in our all-freshmen dorm, I was grabbed by a small group of people going from door to door, inviting people to come get lunch with us.Jack, too, was brought into the group and joined for the trip to the dining hall. Does your new partner promise you the stars and moon? Behind the flattering words, does he seem driven by his own agenda and needs, rather than a sincere interest in getting to know you and your needs? Secrets arouse suspicion—and often for good reason. Flirting or checking out other people in your presence is disrespectful, and disrespect is a first cousin of untrustworthiness. When the details of a story don’t add up or keep changing over time, it may be a sign that you’re not getting the straight scoop. Be wary of “little white lies.” Someone who bends the truth “a little” in the early stages of a romance is likely to shred it to pieces later on. If you suspect the other person is not being completely honest and forthcoming, remember that you are entitled to the truth. If you’ve been burned in the past, you may feel your partner isn’t entitled to your trust until he “earns” it.
If your partner is defensive or sensitive when you ask simple questions about where he/she has been, the person may be hiding something and is afraid you’ll put two and two together. If so, you have to wonder what lies behind those cordoned-off areas. If you notice your date flirting with someone other than you, neon lights should illuminate in your brain. Deceptive people must work hard to keep track of what they have said, and to whom.
The same emotional steadiness that appealed to me in Jack as a best friend also manifested in Q, and they appreciated finding someone else who approached the world similarly.
When the three of us spent time together, it rarely felt like Jack was the third wheel even though Q and I were dating.
My first impression was nice, but nothing spectacular.“I think we’ll get along, but I don’t see myself becoming close with him,” I thought at the time. By the time Jack and I graduated college, we were best friends.
We lived together for two years following college, and talked nearly every day while he was out of state for graduate school for the two years after that.
From when Jack moved back in with me, I could tell that he had strong chemistry with Q.