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“I see a reprioritization around the enjoyment of life or the things that one enjoys doing, rather than the feeling that you’re a social pariah if you don’t marry,” she says.“Now, we’re starting to see real cultural manifestations of people not feeling that pull any longer.” My dear friend Paola, a 33-year-old Toronto journalist, hasn’t felt this pull for some time.
I ranted to my friends until they couldn’t take it anymore. He said okay, mewed an apology and insisted we keep seeing each other. The shock came from the fact that I had taken such pains to clearly articulate what it was I needed, had invited him to have an open conversation and then ended up being entirely disregarded. Alongside the wage gap and the emotional labour gap, the antics of softboys, f-ckboys, fading and ghosting constitute a pronounced communication gap. Regardless of whether the circumstances involve just hooking up or the potential for a relationship, men are ignoring what women are asking for.
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The first time someone faded me, I did not take it well.
This attitude is reflected in so many of the women characters we love right now. So, dutifully we Tind while watching said shows, wading through the faux-polyamorous fedora-clad mansplainers, the “Sun’s Out! ” tee-shirt-wearers and the tranquilized-tiger-snugglers, hoping to find someone vaguely palatable.
Repeatedly, we’re disappointed, and we’re starting to find that holding out for a long-term love is often not a pragmatic choice.I was pouring a glass of wine and burning the shit out of a grilled cheese, prepping for an was a show that gave me life. All of them are about their friends, their goals and their personal priorities first.Rachel and Quinn, the lead characters of the hyper-meta show about producing a reality dating show, embody exactly the ethos I was obsessed with: do you, do your work and don’t give a f-ck about men. We still want to believe in love, sure (though claims of having found it are met at the brunch table with barely suppressed eyerolls).Later the same week, when the brother of a man I’d slept with months before invited me to a games night attended mainly by people who were strangers to me, I went. People of all genders are guilty of bad behaviour, but women are taught from childhood that they need to monitor and be responsible for other people’s feelings. They don’t care if we get off, and they don’t care if our feelings get hurt.I drank the better part of a mickey of whiskey and proceeded to make out with my host. I received only short, delayed answers where before there had been boisterous banter. Women are becoming more adept at f-ckboy-spotting, and, increasingly, we are eschewing the idea of “dating” altogether.She does want a long-term relationship, but she just doesn’t see it happening.